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Writer's pictureMelissa Marquais

How Speaking Hatefully to Your Child or Adult Child Shapes Their View of the World.



The way we communicate with our children can have lasting effects, not just during their formative years but well into adulthood. Whether they are young kids or adults, speaking hatefully can shape how they see themselves and/or the world around them. Let’s dive into how this type of communication affects both children and adult children and why it's important to be mindful of our words at any stage of their lives.


Words hold significant power in shaping how people perceive themselves and others. When parents use hurtful language, it can damage a child’s self esteem and confidence, whether they are 5 years old or 45 years old.


For younger children, constant criticism or negative comments can make them feel inadequate or worthless. This early damage can follow them into adulthood, affecting their self worth and how they handle challenges. They might grow up believing they are not good enough, which can impact their career choices, relationships, and overall happiness.


Even adult children are not immune to the effects of negative communication from their parents. If a parent continues to use hurtful language or criticize their adult child’s choices, it can reinforce feelings of inadequacy. An adult child might struggle with self confidence and might even question their abilities or decisions, which can affect their personal and professional life.


The way we speak to our children can also affect their relationships with others. For younger children, experiencing a harsh or negative communication style can lead them to mimic this behavior in their interactions with friends and family. They might struggle with forming healthy relationships if they’ve learned that communication means criticism and negativity.


For adult children, the effects of negative parental communication can be even more pronounced. They might find it challenging to build or maintain relationships due to lingering self doubt or a tendency to expect criticism from others. This can create barriers in their personal and professional relationships, leading to isolation or conflict.


The perspective that children and adult children develop about the world is strongly influenced by how they are spoken to. Negative or hateful speech can lead to a pessimistic and fearful outlook on life.


For younger children, hearing constant negativity might lead them to see the world as a dangerous and unwelcoming place. As they grow older, this perspective can lead to anxiety, reluctance to take risks, and a general distrust of others.


For adult children, the long-term effects of negative communication can be just as severe. They might carry a deep-seated belief that the world is harsh or that they are doomed to failure. This mindset can hinder their ability to seize opportunities and enjoy a fulfilling life.


Positive and supportive communication is crucial for healthy development at any age. When we use encouraging language and show understanding, we help build our children’s confidence and resilience.


For younger children, positive reinforcement and constructive feedback can foster a sense of self-worth and a more optimistic outlook. They learn that challenges are opportunities to grow, not just obstacles to avoid.


For adult children, supportive communication helps maintain strong family bonds and encourages a healthier perspective on life. Even as adults, they benefit from knowing that their parents believe in them and value their choices. This can lead to greater self-assurance and more fulfilling relationships.


The impact of how we speak to our children extends far beyond their early years. Whether they are young or adults, hateful or negative language can shape their self-perception, influence their relationships, and affect their overall outlook on life. By choosing our words carefully and offering support and encouragement, we can help them build a positive self-image and a more hopeful view of the world.


Being mindful of our communication at all stages of our children's lives is essential. It helps them grow into confident and resilient individuals who can face life’s challenges with optimism and strength.


Healing from being spoken to hatefully by parents can take a long time to heal. The hurtful words can leave deep emotional scars that last into adulthood, affecting how they see themselves and their relationships with others.


How long it takes to heal depends on the persons support system, personal strength, and the level of the verbal abuse. For some, the pain might last for many years, requiring therapy and time to work through. A caring environment and professional help can make a big difference, but recovering from this kind of hurt often takes a lot of patience and effort.

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